I am scared of the outcome of my debut novel. I can’t imagine anyone who would read it, like it, talk about it. My friends have already read it, namely, Ananna finished reading the first draft (kudos). All I can think about is how stupid and shallow and sloppy all of it is. The characters aren’t very engaging. The setting is a dead giveaway. Its all too fast paced. And I just realized that in order to make it believable even in its fantastical nature, I will have to include so many things that I hadn’t found the space to include before.
Note to self: next time, take your time and include everything you can think of, even if its in the form of character analysis. Even though I absolutely hate having to right down what a person is like.
I will have to totally reform the ending, include at least two more characters, who aren’t even important. And the second draft will be a LOT longer than the first one. How hard I was trying to avoid that.
On top of that, there is a ton of things. Immediately at the top, there is my writer’s block, which will hopefully dissolve once I get to work again. Then there’s my O Levels. So, I’ll have to take it so slow, I have no idea how long it will take. There is the bunch of books that I’m planning to read. Classics, all of them. I have classes, I have chores.
I wish I could be a full time writer right now.
I’m scared that my writer’s block won’t go away. Ananna pointed out that the last few chapters sounded choppy. And I’ve been feeling drained since I finished those 84 pages out of 87. I haven’t been at the top of myself.
Maybe this is how I hit bottom. So, maybe that’s a good thing.
Or. maybe not.
And that’s what scares me the most. If I don’t hit bottom, I know I won’t be the best I can be. Not till I really have. I might try, but that will only be faking it till I make it. While that works, I don’t know how long I can be like this, empty, like the empty side of a cracked nutshell.
PS: If you happen to have any advice on self-publication, do let me know.