Despite all the things that’s happened so far, I’m still afraid of change.
Maybe I have a good reason for that. I’ve lived a certain way for years now. More than two and a half decades, with intermittent lapses in between. I just turned seventeen last week, and I feel like I’ve finally discovered my niche. I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life, formed a vague idea of how I want it to be – how I feel like its destined to be.
I want to be an author. I want to write fantasy. I am actually making progress. I have found my calling. The only thing left to do now, is to respond to it in honesty.
Do it this way. This is the real way you should be going. The way you are going right now is not preferred.
I sigh. Am I supposed to be told which way I am supposed to go? Am I not supposed to figure it out myself? The truth is, I don’t know it myself anymore.
Perhaps the guidance I’ve derived for so long was meant to be interpreted in some other way? Maybe I am wrong. I don’t know. Because the person who thinks I should go in a different way is someone I revere. There is no way I can let her down. She means the world to me. She’s been here longer than me and she doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes that she did.
Based on that, I’ve come up with another way of fulfilling my dreams. I could be a writer who writes Shariah Friendly stuff. Maybe I could edit books that are written in a Shariah friendly way. This could be the start of a new era, of Shariah friendly fiction!
But, like I said, I don’t even know. Because, is there even a thing called Shariah friendly fiction? I don’t know. What’s wrong with wanting to be a fiction author? I don’t know. To her, it’s a crime. Because its lying, and lying is the root of all crimes. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to think, or how I’m supposed to feel. Paradigm shift? More like existential crisis!
The snaps of the skyline are a bit calming, though.